Working in a mental health center brings challenging days for counselors who treat members of blended families.
A young lady displayed a beautiful diamond ring to our dental staff with a statement she will wed her soulmate.
She discussed concerns the children of her fiancé are older than her own children but willing to give it a go hoping for the best.
Months later she came back into the dental office but discussed how difficult life had been in her new home.
One of her husband’s daughters rudely retorted,”you are not my mother, don’t tell me what to do!”
From her conversation to a KC dentist, it seems she had tried to enforce house rules where before her entrance there had been no discipline.
People meet with the best of intentions and marry for better or worst.
Children from previous marriages will come together under the same roof, attempting to cope with the new pecking order.
Responsible adults figure out the process required to keep family all on the same page functioning as a unit.
It takes time to gel as a new family, understanding all the idiosyncrasies of each individual.
The main ingredient that brought two individuals together in holy matrimony is love.
Love must be shared and divided equally among all members of the family with the understanding, you must start at the level they are willing to receive love from you.
Rome was not built in a day and neither will the blended family.
Discipline at many levels is key for all players in the game to play under the same set of rules.
Where no discipline exists there will be mental tug-of-wars and chaos.
The blood relative in the household must take the lead in roles of dispensing discipline, while the non-blood relative continues to establish over time, a strong bond, as someone who is there that can be depended upon.
Dispensing discipline before a bond is formed causes unnecessary stress.
It is the established bond along with support of the children’s blood relative that enables the other parent to assist in discipline.
Arguments about my house, my room, my this or that should be worked out long before the family settles under one roof.
Spiritual counselors give guidance to the couple planning holy matrimony.
A good idea is to also counsel individual family members as well to understand each personality.
Where there is no understanding, tempers have a tendency to flare out of control.
Powder kegs have the capability of igniting when sparks fly.
Adults that support each other win.
Blended families are difficult but not impossible, the key is discipline supported with love.
From the Diary of my enlightenment,
A.L. Clark, D.D.S. http://dentist4you.biz